my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my being single is dangerous.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
