Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
