Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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