I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
