There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
