I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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