I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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