I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
there's paper in my vomit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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