whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
