i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
