she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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