At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
