I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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