Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
