She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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