Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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