God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
