what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Never underestimate the power of titties
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
