If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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