guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
