Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
