I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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