Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
