Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
