Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
