im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
