Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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