Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
