She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
