Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
