Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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