Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
