If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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