I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
high people should be assigned attendants
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
