saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i think i just lost a toe
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
