Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
