We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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