Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
