Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your cock deserves a montage
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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