Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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