Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
