i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
