I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
