is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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