So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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