Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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