i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
