I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
