Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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