ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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